I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
