First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
