My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
