i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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