New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
