My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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