He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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