apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
