I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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