I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
