If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My dick has a subreddit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
