I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
