you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
