THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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