I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
