life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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