I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
