Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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