my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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