so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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