I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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