sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
