clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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