I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
