im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
