I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
