I think I can smell my own vagina right now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
