She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
