someone threw a dead crab at me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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