2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
