My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
