They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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