Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
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How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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