the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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