I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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