Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Houston, we have a blender
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
