dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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