I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Boobs speak an international language.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
