why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
