A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
