So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
