Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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