I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
