Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize