So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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