For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You're like the curious george of whores
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
