Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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