I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
