Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
