Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
