Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
