she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
