watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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