Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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