Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
