butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
