I wish life had little blips of pornography
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
