Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
