Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
