he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
