So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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