Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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