Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
