I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
