I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
