so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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