Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize