I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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