I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
