i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
