had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so let's talk penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
