dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
